Starring into the ocean. The waves. The endless blue. Looking for answers. For a solution. To be relieved from this burden on my shoulders. What is the purpose of my life now? How am I to go on? No understanding. No real love. No support. Nothing. Simply nothing. The hypnotizing movement of the waves made me move closer. Just a little closer. The waves consumed me. Their movement and their crashing on the shore. Everything that I am was in this moment. Within the waves. They waves were me, and I them. Nothing more. This was it. I moved closer. Yet closer to the waves.
Was this the answer? I couldn’t swim. No one would care anyway. No one would expect anything else from me. No one would waste a thought to wonder why. I swallowed deeply and my heartbeat started to raise. Slowly then faster. Wide eyes starring into the blue. Faster. Overwhelmed by the sound of the waves. Faster and faster. It was all I could hear now. All I could feel. Overwhelmed and consumed by the blue. Faster and faster. About to explode. Faster and faster. My body about to be turned into atoms and indifferent particles. Faster and faster. Burning fire inside me. Consuming me. Burning anger. The water turned into fiery orange and red. My eyes glared. Consumed. I moved yet closer. I felt the wetness on my bare feet. Making them cold. Making them hot. I couldn’t distinguish it. I moved yet closer making the bottom of my dress wet. Hot and cold. Chills went up through my body. Gasping for air.
“Why this world? Why me? Love is impossible? Life is impossible and not worth living. Let me FREE! Let me BE! Please let the pain stop. Stop it. Just stop it. STOP IT!…”
Gasping desperately for air. Fighting to standup. Body against mind. Legs were shaking. Shaking from coldness and despair. Hopelessness. Endless hopelessness. Why? Why? Breath! Breath! Breath! Why is life it so hard? It was supposed to be easy. To be fun and reckless. That’s how he had persuaded me. Introducing me to the lifestyle. As his face emerged in front of me, I wanted to punch it. I wanted to hurt him like he had hurt me. To cause pain and be understood. I punched his face in the thin air, as it vanished into clouds…
Read the COMPLETE short story by Author, Anya Valentino here
‘Misunderstood – Secrets of a Teen Queen’
In my first and newly released novel ‘Misunderstood – Secrets of a Teen Queen’ the young protagonist, Enya Utzon, truly lives the recipe for happiness! Or does she really, when it comes down to what really matters in life? It’s up to YOU as the reader to determine that!
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