Woman Turning PointStarring into the ocean. The waves. The endless blue. Looking for answers. For a solution. To be relieved from this burden on my shoulders. What is the purpose of my life now? How am I to go on? No understanding. No real love. No support. Nothing. Simply nothing. The hypnotizing movement of the waves made me move closer. Just a little closer. The waves consumed me. Their movement and their crashing on the shore. Everything that I am was in this moment. Within the waves. They waves were me, and I them. Nothing more. This was it. I moved closer. Yet closer to the waves.

Was this the answer? I couldn’t swim. No one would care anyway. No one would expect anything else from me. No one would waste a thought to wonder why. I swallowed deeply and my heartbeat started to raise. Slowly then faster. Wide eyes starring into the blue. Faster. Overwhelmed by the sound of the waves. Faster and faster. It was all I could hear now. All I could feel. Overwhelmed and consumed by the blue. Faster and faster. About to explode. Faster and faster. My body about to be turned into atoms and indifferent particles. Faster and faster. Burning fire inside me. Consuming me. Burning anger. The water turned into fiery orange and red. My eyes glared. Consumed. I moved yet closer. I felt the wetness on my bare feet. Making them cold. Making them hot. I couldn’t distinguish it. I moved yet closer making the bottom of my dress wet. Hot and cold. Chills went up through my body. Gasping for air.

“Why this world? Why me? Love is impossible? Life is impossible and not worth living. Let me FREE! Let me BE! Please let the pain stop. Stop it. Just stop it. STOP IT!…”

Gasping desperately for air. Fighting to standup. Body against mind. Legs were shaking. Shaking from coldness and despair. Hopelessness. Endless hopelessness. Why? Why? Breath! Breath! Breath! Why is life it so hard? It was supposed to be easy. To be fun and reckless. That’s how he had persuaded me. Introducing me to this lifestyle. As his face emerged in front of me, I wanted to punch it. I wanted to hurt him like he had hurt me. To cause pain and be understood. I punched his face in the thin air, as it vanished into clouds.

Screaming at the top of my lungs and into the blue: ”I am in POWER. You cannot control me anymore. I won’t let you. You are nothing and I am EVERYTHING! I am a STRONG and powerful woman never again to be put down and misused!”

I fell broken onto my knees with tears running down my face. Onto the grey sand. Tears of pain. I took a deep breath through my nose and smashed my hands into the grainy sand. Tears of pain. Another deep breath through my nose. Drying away painful tears and looking up refocused at the wild, blue waves. Reborn. Tears drying out. Still on my knees. I got up. New and stronger. On my feet with sand between my toes. Now, in control.

“I will never again let ANYONE control me like this! I can do it! I am STRONG!” I screamed reassuring and convincing at the blue.

I bit my teeth firmly together like a lioness reborn with only one goal in life: to survive. NOT to care what others would think. NOT be controlled but be in control. Strong and empowered and never come to this point again. I turned away from the endless blue. My heartbeat got calmer. The waves got calmer. My mind got clearer. Now, I knew. Living my life this way hadn’t exactly made me happy. Quite the contrary. Alone and abandoned by people, who were supposed to love me. Ironic. I walked further away from the ocean. Still wet but aware. I would always be marked by it. Unquestionably, but at least now I knew. I had come to this by being this way. I needed strength more than ever. To be independent. To stand alone and not be pushed or broken. I could do it! I could move on from this point and be in control.

Walking on the sand, wet but stronger. Aware. A feeling of inner peace. A clearer mind…

About the Short Story

‘Turning Point’ is a short story that tells the dilemma of a young girl at a life-changing point in her life. The girl just happens to be one of the key characters from the ‘Misunderstood’ series by Anya Valentino (It isn’t the protagonist, Enya Utzon). The story takes place a few years before the storyline of ‘Misunderstood – Secrets of a Teen Queen’ begins…

Nevertheless, the short story ‘Turning Point’ is intended to give an insight into the dilemmas of many girls in general.